Book Review: “The Entitlement Cure”

You can purchase this book HERE.

Three years ago, I found this book in a “FREE” stack in a church staff lounge, and the title jumped out to me.

Maybe subconsciously, I put off reading it for three years—you know, one of those “I’m terrified to look in the mirror because I’ve let myself go and don’t think I’ll like what I see” things. The same impulse that made me pick up the book was the same one that made me keep it at arm’s length. Ultimately, I’m glad I read it.

Caveat

Admittedly, Townsend’s niche一a hybrid of leadership strategy, Christian psychology, and devotional content一isn’t my normal reading diet. Words like “success,” “win,” and “executive” are used liberally, which is more of a caution than a criticism.

Scripture doesn’t really portray life’s telos as “success” or “winning,” at least not in the 21st-century sense of those words. While I think Townsend effectively challenges some of the toxic tendencies of corporate America, it’s unavoidably risky to couch scriptural principles in a vocabulary commonly used to subvert the gospel, not champion it. It’s a choice every author must make: use the categories the masses are fluent in, or expose the need for different categories altogether. Overall, Townsend navigates this as well as one could hope, given his audience and context.

Overall, I was encouraged by Townsend’s responsible use of scripture and clear emphasis on the gospel (especially in the conclusion).

Two Ways Of Living

Townsend’s brilliance is turning massive concepts into pithy one-liners. Here’s some of his helpful definitions:

Entitlement is the belief that I am exempt from responsibility and I am owed special treatment. (19)

The solution to entitlement is the Hard Way, which is the habit of doing what is best, rather than what is comfortable, to achieve a worthwhile outcome (26).

The book essentially contrasts this Hard Way with entitlement (which Townsend cleverly calls the Harder Way). In a world of instant gratification, he compellingly demonstrates how a life of unbridled indulgence is catastrophic, while a life of intentional sacrifice leads to lasting enjoyment.

Change Requires Compassion

A counselor once told me that “people only change in an environment of grace.” People need challenge, yes, but also safety and unconditional love. I’ve found that to be true in all my relationships. 

Townsend sings a similar tune in chapter 4: Helping Others Who Are Stuck In Entitlement, which was probably my favorite chapter. He says: “Change happens only in the presence of compassion” (36). 

When frustration mounts, due to an entitled person’s inconsiderate habits or excuses, it’s tempting to “give it to them straight,” in an attempt to jolt them into change. I’ve made this mistake more times than I care to admit. Entitlement is maddening, but like a plant, people will not grow in harsh conditions: they need a nurturing environment. This doesn’t mean avoiding hard, honest conversations一but rather having them the right way.

Townsend sets realistic expectations for such conversations:

Working with entitled individuals rarely succeeds after one conversation. It takes a series of conversations and events over time… don’t expect it to go smoothly or even quickly (72-74). 

Expectations are everything. When dealing with an entitled person, frustration and anger sometimes prod us toward hasty ultimatums, when slow and steady (and painful) consistency is actually what’s needed. Before going off on someone, even if your critiques are valid, consider your willingness to actually walk beside the person over a long period of time.     

How Entitlement Happens

Another highlight was chapter 2, which features a helpful section called “Praise and Reward Problems,” which outlines some key ways well-meaning people unconsciously sow entitlement into the lives of others: 

We sometimes reward (through actions) and praise (through words) our spouses, employees, children, and friends, in ways that can actually harm them, even though it feels good at the time because it feels so positive (38). 

Townsend lists some of these harmful reward systems, and as a parent of young children, these are timely reminders. Though he lists more, here’s my top four:

#1: Praising what takes no effort.

Though it feels nice to affirm everything and anything, exaggerated positivity can actually weaken someone’s resilience and work ethic. 

#2: Praising what is required. 

I make this mistake often, especially when other leaders fail to affirm anything. I want people to feel like people, not cogs in a machine. But if this is overcorrected, and someone receives pats on the back for routine obedience, eventually they will expect it all the time—and certainly won’t rise to the challenge of sacrificial service, at least not without expecting major acknowledgement.

As Townsend says: “Praise should be reserved for those times when someone stretches himself beyond the norm, puts extra effort or time into a task, or exceeds expectations.” 

As believers, our posture toward God is not that he owes us every time we obey一instead we view obedience as just doing our duty (Luke 17:10).

#3: Praising what is not based on reality

As American Idol and other talent shows painfully play out, there’s nothing more cringy than someone who has been affirmed their whole life for a talent they don't actually possess. Better to be honest and supportive than flattering and hollow.

#4: A lack of warmth 

Sadly, those starved of healthy affirmation develop what Townsend calls a “defensive grandiose identity.” Those starved for appreciation overcompensate by ballooning their self-importance.

As off-putting as entitlement can be to experience, compassion arises when I realize that, tragically, some people’s self-centeredness is the fruit of horrible neglect. Yes, they need to deal honestly with their issues and take responsibility, but empathy drives me toward them, not away from them.

Conclusion

I’m thankful Dr. Townsend wrote this book with two horizons in view: looking outward at others and inward at ourselves. 

The first horizon equips readers to deal with the most difficult people in their lives, using biblical wisdom in practical ways. 

The second horizon acknowledges that entitlement flows silently in all of our veins. As Townsend writes, we carry it in our pocket, but with God’s help, can start doing so less and less.

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Purchase The Entitlement Cure here.